“Try something new, if it doesn’t work your misery is refundable.”

Ouch! Oh, why does it hurt? Maybe it’s because the truth can hurt.

Creative Commons image courtesy stuartpillbrow

We all have patterns we follow. We follow them even if they don’t work for us. There’s some comfort in the familiar, even when we know consciously or unconsciously that the old ways won’t serve us.
One safety move is to keep distance in relationships. That may be physical distance, such as only getting involved with long-distance partners. Or, the distance may not be geographical – we keep distance by not getting too involved or letting ourselves be seen.

Maybe the “something new” in this case is to show up more fully in the relationships we already have. Maybe the “something else” is to explore a deeper intimacy which lets others see into us.

In the case of relationship partners, the “something new” probably isn’t trying to find a new partner. There is a saying about that approach: “Trading Scott for Randy“, which is a play on words for yet another saying: “Trading scotch for brandy” which highlights that if scotch gives you headaches, brandy probably will too. In that case, it’s not about the choice of drink; it’s the alcohol in the drink. In the previous case, it’s not about our current or former partners, it’s about whatever we’re doing which isn’t serving us. Whatever it was that we were ignoring in our previous relationships probably won’t go away just because we are around different people.

Try this:

Look back at your past without beating yourself up. Consider both sides – what worked and what didn’t.

You might spot a pattern and assume that the universe is providing the same type of people to be in your lives, perhaps to teach you a lesson. Whether there is truth in that or not, consider that if you haven’t learned the lesson you’ll probably end up in the same place.

Look within at that pattern and try something new without changing the people in your life or making drastic changes. Focus on your own part in bringing about the pattern, and work on some baby steps such as noticing when you’re starting to head back into misery again.

“Insanity: doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results” – Albert Einstein